littlemissljk

How do you say hello to someone you haven’t talked to in almost 8 years?  I mean, hello is such a small word, it doesn’t seem like it would cover a gap that wide.  It’s seems so small, almost insignificant.

About 8 years ago a friend of mine from high school moved to Ohio for grad school and we lost touch.  What I’m starting to realize is that he was my best friend, and that I’m never going to meet anyone that can know me as well as he used to.  He helped me through my father’s death, watched me grow through college, and helped me through my first real heartbreak. He has a piece of me, and he owns a lot of my history.

Over the past few years I’ve begun to miss him.  Just a little bit at first, but recently it’s been almost a physical need to talk to him.  I’m not nostalgic for high school or college, I wouldn’t repeat those years for anything.  I miss HIM.  The way I could be on the phone with him for an hour and neither of us would say a word.  How he let me help him be a little sillier than he would’ve been otherwise.  And just the way I felt sitting with him doing nothing.

I don’t have his address, but I know his parents still live at the same address and could send him a letter there.  But how do I start?  And how do I explain how much I regret the distance between us?

Well, after a very tumultuous year, I’m back to BuddySlim. I’m in a new city (hell, a new state!), working more than ever, and trying to make some new friends here.  My eating habits have turned back to horrible (everyone at work asks if I’m OK when I don’t have candy on my person!).   Working out has become non-existent for me.  So it’s time for my New Year’s resolution to take effect, starting now.

I will eat better.  I will exercise more. I will be healthier.

I WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.  

Well, I’ve dropped the first ten pounds, and I’m only 3 pounds shy of my first mini-goal. Go me, right? :-)  So as a “reward” i bought myself The Firm resistance band/DVD set.  Problem - my room isn’t big enough to do everything in, and moving my TV into the living room is a pain in the rear. (No one in my apartment can agree on TV, so we just keep the sets in our bedrooms.)  I can do all of the standing exercises, and most of the leg ones, but I can’t lay out enough to do the situps.  Does anyone know if standing crunches work if you use a band?  (I want them to!!!) 

I went shopping for new jeans yesterday.  I’ve been a size 10 at American Eagle/Hot Topic type stores for the last 6 years.  Yesterday an 8 fit me perfectly, and I could button a six.  Now if only I could lose some weight off of my freak-of-nature chest…

I’m starting to work the Slim-Fast out of my diet.  I’m doing normal lunches now, but I’m still doing shakes for breakfast.  I may just keep them for breakfast - I’m never up in time to make anything, and yogurt isn’t one of my favorite textures. 

It’s been a month since I’ve had fast food - I’m amazed.  Working in the mall it’s hard to resist the urge to just grab McDonald’s or Arby’s for lunch, regardless of what’s waiting in the fridge out back.  There’s a small part of my brain that’s telling me that one trip to the food court won’t hurt.  But I know me, and one lunch will turn back into eating badly every day.  I will not give in! 

I did not eat well today.  Breakfast with my mom killed me.  One meal and I had more calories than I normally eat in a day.  I took it easy the rest of the day, and went for a really long walk after Mom left.  The journal is telling me that I came out with a defecit, but I’m not sure how much I trust the exercise section of that thing.  

And my mom brought me a bag of Easter goodies.  Mostly they’re assorted 100 calorie packs, but she also threw in more chocolate than I usually eat in a month, and cookies.  But not just any cookies - Harry & David raspberry galettes, and they clock in a 90 calories and 5 grams of fat per cookie.  I think I’m going to rename them cookies of doom…

Back on track tomorrow…it’s too early to give up.

So it’s been a week since I started, and I’ve lost 5 pounds.  I’m not sure if I really lost that weight, though.  I was using a super old scale, and got a new one yesterday, so I’m going to say that measurements were off in the beginning.  I adjusted numbers a little bit (so it looks like I’ve lost 3), and changed my mini-goal.  While part of me kinda hopes that I lose fast, I know it’s not the healthiest.  But I guess I’ll have to wait until next week to really see how I’m doing.

 I did really well sticking to my plan this week. I’m pretty proud of myself, actually. I’m kinda worried about Easter tomorrow, but I didn’t cheat all week, so I’m not going to beat myself up too much when I go out with Mom.  And, hey, if I can work across the hall from Mrs. Feild’s (it’s torture when they bake in the morning), I can handle brunch at Eggspectations, right? 

So it’s coming time for my biweekly trip to the grocery store (payday is Friday), and per usual, I stopped in to plan my grocery list. OK, that and I love grocery stores.  Something about all that uncooked food and what I could make with it……anyway, back to my point.

It seems like everything healthy, all the stuff I should be eating (and want to be eating) is expensive.  Not like spend a few extra bucks expensive, either.  When it all gets added up, it leaves me with no money left over for much of anything.   :!:  It’s like I’m at a disadvantage because I don’t make a lot of money.  Shopping recently has sent me into money-based anxiety, which makes me want to eat junk food.  NOT GOOD.

 Veggies are fairly inexpensive, so I know I’ll be eating a lot of those. The fruits I like are still out of season, so are off the menu.  Chicken isn’t too bad, but I get bored eating it everyday.  Cereal - forget it.  I can do cheap bread, but what’s the point in that? 

Am I going to be eating whole wheat pasta and veggies for dinner every night?  :sad: 

 and on a side note to Shaw’s grocery stores….putting the diet and health foods in the same ailse as the candy?  Not cool.

I work in retail. Clothing retail, aimed at fashion-forward teens.  All of our clothes are junior fit, and all of our jeans are skinny.  Most of our customers are about the size of a carrot stick.  I’m overweight, and my chest is too big to fit into most of our tops. It’s not the greatest environment for self-esteem. So I’m taking things into my own hands.  Maybe I’ll lose weight.  Maybe I’ll stay exactly the same size. Who knows?  But I need to at least make an effort. 

OK, I need to rephrase that.  I need to make an effort again.  See, I’ve dieted before and stayed right around 170lbs. Spent most of last year exercising and stayed right around 170 lbs.  I’m hoping that this time will be different. I cancelled my gym membership.  I can’t afford the monthly fee, and a jump rope was way cheaper. I live near downtown, so walking will work out well for me, too.  I’ve also decided to try meal replacement.  I get made fun of at work daily for drinking Slim-Fast, but I’ve never tried a diet like it, so I figure it can’t hurt.  So far I like it.  I feel like I’m eating a lot, but when I add it up, I’m consuming fewer calories than I was.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to gain from this site.  Maybe some new friends, some motivation, some inspiration?